Earth Log Entry #20: Sweet Talkin’
Sonny and Vanessa went to a local coffee shop on a Saturday morning for coffee.
They stood in line waiting to order.
Sonny studied the menu overhead. “Why are there so many different varieties of this beverage made from coffee beans?”
Vanessa scanned the crowded coffee shop. “Because people love their caffeine.”
Sonny looked at her. “Do they not know it’s an insecticide?”
Vanessa stared at him for a moment. “You’re an insecticide.”
It was their turn to order. Vanessa smiled at the barista. “Hi Dane! I’ll have the mocha Frappuccino.”
Sonny cleared his throat. “I’ll have a plain black coffee.”
The barista tapped on his POS system. “That’ll be $14.68.”
Sonny slowly pulled out his wallet and paid. “…Steep.” He muttered.
The barista chuckled and handed them the receipt. “They’ll be right up on the counter over there.” He gestured to the left.
Vanessa smiled brightly. “Thanks Dane!”
They made their way to the pickup counter.
Vanessa handed Sonny her purse. “I’m gonna run to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”
Sonny nodded once and took the purse. “I will guard it.”
Vanessa smirked. “I know you will.”
She walked away.
Sonny stood at attention near the counter, holding Vanessa’s purse with both hands like a security detail guarding nuclear launch codes.
A woman approached and grabbed her drink.
She glanced over at Sonny and smiled. “Cute purse. I have the same one.”
Sonny looked down at it. “It is not mine, it is—”
The woman winked. “It’s okay. Your secret is safe with me.”
Sonny blinked. “…What secret?”
The woman extended her hand. “I’m Krystal.”
Sonny shook it firmly. “Sonny.”
Krystal laughed. “Sonny? That’s my friend’s dog’s name!”
Sonny smirked slightly. “Your friend has excellent taste in names.”
Krystal took another sip of her coffee. “You’re cute.”
Sonny crossed his arms. “I do not believe ‘cute’ is the correct descriptive term.”
Krystal grinned. “Oh my God, you’re funny too.”
She began digging through her purse. “Can I give you my number?”
Sonny cocked his head to the side. “…For what purpose?”
Krystal laughed harder. “You’re silly.”
She pulled out a pen and started writing on a scrap of receipt paper.
At that exact moment, Vanessa returned.
She slowed as she approached. “…Who’s this?”
Sonny immediately handed Vanessa her purse. “Vanessa, this is Krystal. She is attempting to give me her telephone number for unknown reasons.”
Vanessa looked at Krystal. “Oh, really?”
Krystal awkwardly lowered the pen.
Vanessa slid her arm around Sonny tightly. “Sorry, honey. He’s taken.”
Krystal’s eyes widened. “Oh my God—I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”
Vanessa smiled. “It’s okay.”
Krystal quickly shoved the pen back into her purse. “Well…nice meeting you.”
Then she scurried away toward the exit. Vanessa watched her leave.
Then slowly looked up at Sonny. “So.”
Sonny blinked. “So?”
Vanessa crossed her arms. “You’re getting girls’ numbers while I’m in the bathroom now, Casanova?”
Sonny shrugged calmly. “I did not realize she was evaluating me as a potential mate.”
Vanessa rolled her eyes. “Mmmhmm.”
The barista called out from behind the counter. “Drinks for Sonny!”
They grabbed their coffees and headed toward the door.
As they walked out, Sonny pulled out his Earth Log device and began typing.
Coffee shops appear to function as informal human mating grounds. An unidentified female attempted to initiate pair-bonding procedures while Vanessa was temporarily absent. I remain uncertain why holding the purse increased my desirability. I will pass this strategy on to Chad.
