Earth Log Entry #5: Upper Cranium Concealment Rules, Routines, and Rituals
Sonny had a date.
Which meant he had entered what Chad called “the gauntlet.”
But there was a problem.
His new skincare routine—one he took VERY seriously—left his face more red than usual and “glossy enough to blind a mid-sized aircraft,” according to Chad.
So Sonny stood in the living room wearing a Raiders ball cap on sideways.
“Chad…is this upper cranium covering acceptable on a date?”
Chad took a long sip of iced coffee. “This is with that one chick, right?”
Sonny adjusted the brim again. “Yes. The one who propositioned me to accompany her to the cinema.”
“Nah bro, a ball cap isn’t acceptable on the first date. On a first date, no hats.”
Sonny froze. “I cannot show my face like this.”
Chad kicked his feet onto the coffee table. “Sonny, you’ll be fine. The lighting is soft at theaters. It’s not that harsh fluorescent light like at a bank or something.”
Sonny removed the hat. “Will the color and shine of my face be off-putting to a human Earth woman?”
Chad looked up from his phone. “No. If she likes you, she likes you bro. Ditch the hat.”
Sonny took out his Earth Log device and started writing.
Humans have interesting rules, routines, and rituals around head concealment. Hats are supposedly forbidden on first dates. This suggests that honesty is delayed until trust is established. I find this inefficient.
Sonny put the hat on his head, brim facing forward. “If she will not have me as I am,” he said carefully, “she will not have me at all.”
Just then there was a knock at the door. Sonny answered it.
“Hi Sonny!” It was his date. She was also wearing a Raiders hat.
Chad looked up, phone in hand, dumbfounded. “Some guys have all the luck,” he muttered, already swiping again.