Sonny sat at the kitchen table with a laptop open, several sheets of paper spread around him, and a pencil tucked behind his ear.
Chad walked in and stopped. “What are you doing…and why is our kitchen table covered in paper?”
Sonny looked up. “I took a special subbing assignment in home economics today. The students would not stop discussing this ‘March Madness.’ I am studying it.”
Chad nodded slowly. “Okay. Respect.”
Sonny looked back at his laptop. “At first I thought it was a mental disorder caused by the shifting of the clock.”
Chad reached into the fridge. “Naturally.”
Sonny continued. “But then I learned it is a single elimination tournament for the sport of intercollegiate basketball.”
Chad grabbed a bottle of chocolate milk. “Yeah…technically speaking.”
Sonny took the pencil from his ear and pointed it at the screen. “I have reviewed team records, strength of schedule, offensive efficiency, defensive efficiency, injury reports, coaching tendencies, rebounding rates, turnover percentages, and historical upset patterns.”
Chad sat down. “Uhh…okay.”
Sonny reached out and picked up one of the pieces of paper from the table. “I have also created a weighted prediction model…I am prepared to dominate the bracket.”
Chad leaned back. “It’s that serious, huh?”
Sonny looked over. “What data did you use to pick your bracket?”
Chad took a drink of his chocolate milk. “Vibes.”
Sonny stared at him.
Chad shrugged. “And mascots.”
Sonny’s face tightened. “…mascots?”
Chad grabbed a sports magazine and flipped it open. “Yeah. Like, if it’s a tiger versus a bird, I usually go tiger. Predator energy.”
Sonny slowly turned his laptop toward him. “I have spent three hours building a predictive framework.”
Chad nodded. “And I spent four minutes becoming spiritually aligned with the bracket.”
Sonny sat back in his chair. “That is not a method.”
Chad didn’t look up. “That’s where you’re wrong, dude. That is the method.”
Sonny frowned. “Humans claim to value reason. Yet you decide things based on ‘vibes’.”
Chad smirked. “Got us this far.”
Chad picked up his phone and started scrolling. “Whoa…High Point took down Wisconsin.”
Sonny snapped his head over and threw up his hands. “…vibes!”
Chad grinned. “Vibes.”
Sonny grabbed his Earth Log device and began typing.
Humans choose outcomes based on something called “vibes”. As they are the dominant species on Earth, it appears to be effective. I do not understand it. Chad’s bracket is crushing mine.