Earth Log Entry #4: Temporal Celebration Protocols
Chad knocked on Sonny’s door.
“You wanna go to the bar tonight?” Chad asked. “It’s New Year’s Eve.”
Sonny looked up from his desk. “Why?”
Chad paused. “…because it’s New Year’s Eve?”
Sonny considered this. “Yes,” he said slowly. “But what has occurred?”
“A new year,” Chad said.
Sonny blinked. “Time has continued.”
Chad frowned. “What?”
Sonny gestured gently. “Yesterday, time existed. Today, time exists. Tomorrow, time will exist. Why is this considered an achievement?”
Chad leaned against the wall. “It’s just…tradition, dude. You celebrate, you drink, you kiss someone at midnight.”
Sonny’s eyes widened slightly. “Kissing is now synchronized with planetary rotation?”
Chad stared. “You’re overthinking it.”
Sonny stood and walked to the window. “On my planet,” he said, “we celebrate when something changes.”
“Like what?” Chad asked.
“When a moon leaves orbit. When a species evolves. When a new planet has been discovered,” Sonny replied.
Chad blinked. “…we just drink. And make resolutions.”
Sonny turned back. “So humans gather to honor that nothing significant has occurred?”
Chad rubbed his chin. “It’s not nothing. It’s…symbolic.”
“Symbolic of what?” Sonny asked.
“That we made it through another year.” Chad said.
Sonny thought for a moment. “You have made it through every day,” he said. “Why is this day superior?”
Chad exhaled slowly. “Sonny…you wanna go out or not?”
Sonny considered this carefully. “Will I be expected to cheer?” he asked.
“Probably.” Chad replied.
“Will I be expected to shout numbers?”
“Definitely.”
“Will there be loud music and crowded spaces?”
Chad nodded.
“And someone may attempt to kiss me?”
“Yeah.”
Sonny paused.
Then he reached into his mini-fridge and removed two king-size Snickers bars and a quart of milk.
“I require confectionery stabilization,” he said calmly.
Chad stared. “…is that a yes?”
Sonny thought for a moment. “Yes,” he said. “As long as there will be women.”
“Cool,” Chad said. “We’ll leave at 7. You drive.”
Sonny nodded and Chad left.
He then took a big swig of milk and started typing into his Earth Log device:
Humans celebrate the passage of time despite its indifference to them. I find this confusing but socially important. I will participate because human females will be there. Chad says I must wear something ‘festive.’ I do not know what that means.