Sonny and Chad sat on the couch watching television.
A calm evening. Peaceful. Predictable.
Then—
THUUUUD.
The ceiling shook.
Sonny froze.
“…Chad.”
“Yeah.”
“…something large has fallen.”
Chad didn’t look away from the TV. “They’re home.”
A long scraping, rolling sound rumbled across the ceiling.
RRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Sonny’s eyes widened. “They are transporting a boulder.”
Chad shrugged. “Probably a chair.”
“Chad. This is not the sound of furniture. This is the sound of geological activity.”
Another BOOM.
Dust drifted from the ceiling vent.
Sonny stood up. “We must evacuate. Their structural integrity is questionable.”
“They do this sometimes,” Chad said. “Not much you can do.”
Sonny paced. “I must catalogue the noises.”
He began counting on his fingers. “Rolling object. Heavy footsteps. Sudden impacts. Occasional screaming.”
Chad nodded. “Yup.”
Sonny stopped. “…do you believe they are conducting ritual combat?”
Chad finally looked at him. “I think they just don’t take their shoes off.”
Another long roll across the ceiling.
Sonny stared upward. “…Chad.”
“Yeah.”
“If this is a chair…it is the largest chair on Earth.”
Chad sipped his drink. “Desk chair on hardwood.”
Sonny blinked. “…they are rolling across the floor while seated?”
“Yep.”
“…why?”
Chad shrugged. “Human.”
A violent THUD rattled the light fixture.
Sonny whispered, “They have dropped the boulder again.”
Chad muted the TV. “Alright. That one might’ve been a boulder.”
Sonny sat back down slowly.
“I have determined something important, Chad.”
“What’s that?”
“Earth dwellings are vertically incompatible with peace.”
Chad nodded. “You want the top floor next time, don’t you?”
Sonny stared at the ceiling as another rumble passed overhead.
“…yes.” A pause. “…but then I would become the problem.”
Chad smiled. “Now you’re getting it.”
Sonny folded his hands. “I will begin walking exclusively on my toes out of respect for the lower humans.”
Another thunderous THUD shook the ceiling.
Sonny looked up. “…they do not share this philosophy.”
Chad unmuted the TV. “Welcome to apartment life, buddy.”
Sonny took out his Earth Log device and began typing.
Humans living communally must endure one another’s noise. Some are less conscientious. Structural integrity remains…uncertain. Objective: Acquire top floor apartment. Walk exclusively on toes.