Unlikely Weapons

Ever wonder what you’d weigh on Jupiter?

Probably not. But I did.

At 200 lbs on Earth, I’d clock in at a crushing 528 pounds on Jupiter. That’s like wearing a 328-lb weighted vest 24/7.

Walking? Brutal leg day.

Getting off the couch? Core crusher.

Climbing stairs? World-class GPP.

Sure—Jupiter’s a gas giant. No solid ground. No oxygen. No gym.

Doesn’t matter.

Because Jupiter’s not the destination.

The resistance is.

And here’s the thing—you don’t need a spaceship to chase this pressure.

You’ve got the weights, so you’ve got the choice to get heavier—every day.

So no, we’re not heading to Jupiter.

We’re bringing Jupiter to the gym.

Strap in. Stack plates. Embrace the resistance.

Let’s get heavy.

I’m a gigantic BTTF fan. Always have been. Always will be.

All three movies bring something to the table, but like anything worth ranking—some rise above the rest. So here’s my totally correct (and maybe controversial) fan ranking of the legendary time-travel trilogy.

#1: Part I – The Undisputed King

The origin story hits hard.

Bob Gale came up with the idea after finding his dad’s old high school yearbook and wondering: Would we have even been friends? That’s the seed that bloomed into a movie about legacy, identity, and whether we can ever truly understand where we come from.

It’s easy to see why this landed. We’ve all wondered what our parents were like when they were our age. What were the pressures? The culture? Could we have survived in their world? Did they even lift? 😆

Part I answers those questions in the most fun way possible—by throwing Marty into 1955 and making him dodge his own mom’s romantic advances, bond with his not-so-alpha dad, and try not to erase his existence.

It’s tight, funny, layered, and unforgettable. Magic from start to finish.

#2: Part II – The Chaotic Middle Child (But Still a Banger)

Let’s be honest—Part II is a mess. But it’s the good kind of mess. The creative chaos kind.

Doc warns against messing with the future…then immediately convinces Marty to go mess with the future. Classic.

In this one, we time-hop through:

• 2015 (hoverboards and self-lacing Nikes)
• 1985A (Biff’s hellish casino-run dystopia)
• 1955 again (yes, more Biff shenanigans)

You even get multiple Martys, multiple Docs, and a sports almanac that basically becomes the McGuffin of every gambler’s fantasy.

What makes this one resonate—especially with guys like us—is the “what if” factor. What if you could get a glimpse of your future? Would you use it? Would it corrupt you? Would you do the work—or try to game the system?

Also, I swear this movie is two full movies jammed into one (I actually read somewhere that it was supposed to be two movies). And I’m here for it.

#3: Part III – Fun, But Not Top Tier

Part III isn’t bad—it’s just not Part I or II.

We’re in 1885 now, and while it’s cool to see Hill Valley as a dusty Western town, it lacks the punch of the others. Fewer familiar characters. Slower pacing. And let’s be real—the Doc/Clara romance just doesn’t hit emotionally (I could do without the love stories in most movies, actually…just give me the facts and explosions!).

And the time-traveling steam train at the end? Ehhh. I get that it’s whimsical, but it strays into too whimsical.

Still, it wraps the trilogy well, and there’s something admirable about ending with a bit of optimism. The past is behind us. The future is unwritten. You can make it a good one (or a bad one if you don’t get your shit together). You’re in control, and that’s Builder through and through.

Final Verdict:

1. Part I – Classic. Timeless. Near-perfect.
2. Part II – Wild, messy, fascinating.
3. Part III – Still worth watching, just not as memorable.

How Would You Rank Them?

And if you could time-travel, would you go back to fix the past…or forward to cash in on what’s coming? Food for thought.