Unlikely Weapons

I love websites.

I’ve loved them ever since I built my first one back in 2015 (remember FTP? 🤣), and I’ve built several since then.

Over the years, I’ve visited thousands of websites.

Some have made me stop and think, “Wow.”

Others have made me wonder if the owner actually wanted people to leave.

This post is just for fun—a collection of everything I’ve noticed that can make a website really, really bad.

Even if you’ve never built a website, you’ll recognize a few of these. If you’ve spent any amount of time on the internet, you’ve experienced them.

So…

You want to build a terrible website?

Here’s how.

• Stuff it with ads. The more, the better. We love ads.
• Have three different things pop up the moment someone arrives. Don’t let them actually see the website first.
• Make it look fantastic on a desktop…and terrible on a phone. It’s not like anyone uses smartphones.
• Hide important information. We’d rather spend ten minutes looking for what we came for.
• Use font so small people need binoculars.
• Clutter every page with as much stuff as possible.
• Make it slow enough for someone to brew a pot of coffee while it loads.
• Don’t make your links look like links. Can I click this? One of life’s great mysteries.
• Link to irrelevant, low-quality, or questionable websites. Guilty by association.
• Treat security like it’s optional. Everybody, come on in!
• Pick colors that have absolutely nothing to do with your brand. Better yet, pick ten of them.
• Use fonts that are “creative” instead of readable. Is that an I or an L?
• Use colors with almost no contrast. My eyes thank you.
• Add photos and videos simply because you can. Bonus points for cheesy stock photos.
• Set your videos to autoplay at full volume. Nothing says “welcome” like getting yelled at.
• Never proofread anything. Typos? Run-on sentences? Questionable punctuation? Bring it on.
• Use HUGE blocks of text. Everyone loves reading walls of text.
• Make every page look different. Consistency is overrated.
• Skip the About page. We don’t need to know who’s behind this website.
• Skip the Contact page. A true one-sided conversation.
• Ask visitors to sign up for your newsletter before they’ve even read a sentence. That’s definitely how trust works.

If you do all that…

Congratulations.

You’ve built a website people can’t wait to leave.

The funny thing is that good websites usually aren’t complicated.

They’re fast.

They’re clear.

They’re easy to navigate.

They respect the visitor’s time.

Whether you’re building a business website, a portfolio, or a personal blog…

…or you’re just someone who uses websites…

Remember this:

Your website isn’t for you. It’s for the people using it.

What’s in a name?

Not everything, of course.

Some bands and artists have bland names and great music.

Some, however, have interesting names.

Names that make you stop and say:

“What’s the story behind that?”

To be clear, this isn’t a list of my favorite bands and artists.

I might like them.

I might not.

This also isn’t a list of the most badass names.

They might be badass.

They might not.

This is simply a list of names that make me raise an eyebrow and wonder how they came up with them.

Pure “Wait, what’s their name?” factor.

Let’s begin.

The Most Interesting, According to Brickwall

Wu-Tang Clan
Just iconic all the way around. Everyone knows the name now, but imagine hearing it for the first time in the early 90s.

Led Zeppelin
Lead is heavy. Zeppelins are supposed to float. The contradiction is the joke.

Butthole Surfers
You read that correctly.

Iron Maiden
Named after a medieval torture device. Not exactly subtle.

REO Speedwagon
Named after a random vehicle from 1915. Classic rock trivia at its finest.

The Kinks
A name that got attention in the 1960s. Which, to be fair, was kind of the point.

Eminem
A phonetic version of his initials: M&M. Simple. Brilliant.

Black Sabbath
Dark. Heavy. Mysterious. It fits perfectly.

Babes In Toyland
Absurd and fascinating. It immediately makes you wonder where Toyland is.

Judas Priest
This one has everything: mystery, intrigue, and just enough danger.

Hoobastank
What does it mean? Nobody seems entirely sure.

Hole
One word. One syllable. Infinite questions.

Tool
See above.

Blue Öyster Cult
Sounds like a secret society that may or may not control the world.

Dinosaur Jr.
Where exactly is Dinosaur Sr.?

The Doors
Named after something so ordinary that it becomes extraordinary. The contrast between the name and Jim Morrison’s personality only makes it funnier.

Nine Inch Nails
Simple. Memorable. Slightly unsettling.

Queens of the Stone Age
One of those names that sounds cool immediately but gets stranger the more you think about it.

Garbage
Self-deprecating and unforgettable.

Type O Negative
At least we know their blood type.

Korn
Named after something completely ordinary. The band itself was anything but ordinary.

Lil’ 1/2 Dead
Peak West Coast rap naming convention. Instantly memorable.

You Know What’s Funny?

Is that once they become famous, they stop sounding strange.

Iron Maiden?

Yeah, that’s just a legendary band.

But imagine hearing it for the first time in 1975.

“Little Jimmy is listening to who?”

“Iron Maiden.”

“The torture device?!”

🤣

The Lesson?

You can have a bland name.

You can have an interesting name.

You can have a badass name.

You can have a ridiculous name.

All of them can work.

What matters most isn’t the name.

It’s what’s behind the name.

The music. The work. The craft. The consistency. The value.

A name might get someone’s attention.

But the work is what keeps it.

And that’s true for people, bands, businesses, websites, and writers.

In the end, what’s behind the name counts more.

I find the written word fascinating.

One aspect I’ve always found oddly interesting is compound nouns—specifically, whether they should be written open, hyphenated, or closed.

For example:

Kettlebell

Should it be:

• Kettle bell
• Kettle-bell
• Kettlebell

Definitely kettlebell.

“Kettle bell” sounds like a bell that belongs to your kettle. “Kettle-bell” could work, but it just doesn’t look right to me.

Kettlebell wins.

And thankfully, the dictionary agrees.

It’s the same with words like:

• Barbell
• Dumbbell
• Longboard
• Skateboard

They’ve become such specific objects that separating the words almost weakens their meaning.

Another example:

Pull-up

Should it be:

• Pull up
• Pull-up
• Pullup

I vote for pull-up.

“Pull up” feels too broad. It could mean pulling up a chair, pulling up weeds, pulling up a webpage, or pulling up to a stoplight.

A pull-up, however, is a very specific exercise.

The closed version, “pullup,” isn’t completely unreasonable, but it looks strange to me. Like it belongs in a completely different category of words.

So once again:

Pull-up wins.

The dictionary backs me up on this one, too.

The same goes for:

• Push-up
• Chin-up
• Sit-up

Now let’s go the other direction.

Consider:

Peanut butter

Should it be:

• Peanut butter
• Peanut-butter
• Peanutbutter

Only peanut butter looks right.

Even though it’s a specific thing, the open form somehow remains the most readable and natural.

The same applies to:

• Coffee mug
• Ice cream
• Jumping jack
• Swimming pool

And that’s where things get interesting.

There doesn’t seem to be a perfectly logical system that explains every compound noun.

Some become closed. Some stay hyphenated. Some remain open forever.

Language seems to decide collectively over time.

My theory?

The best version is usually the one that conveys meaning clearly, is easy to read, and simply looks right on the page.

Not a very scientific conclusion, I know.

But when it comes to compound nouns, sometimes aesthetics matter.

At the end of the day, I think you just have to take them on a word-by-word basis.

There are some songs that feel so locked into their original form that you can’t imagine them becoming anything else.

Then a band grabs them by the throat and turns them into a battlefield soundtrack.

Bloodywood’s cover of Shape of You shouldn’t work.

On paper, it sounds ridiculous.

A massively popular pop song by Ed Sheeran transformed into a crushing blend of metal, Indian folk instrumentation, aggressive vocals, and enough energy to make you want to deadlift a house.

But somehow…it works better than it has any right to.

The original version of “Shape of You” is smooth, catchy, and calculated. It’s built for clubs, radios, playlists, and background music. It’s a great song to sing in the car with your lady.

But Bloodywood’s version takes it somewhere else entirely.

The drums crush. The riffs sound enormous. The vocals erupt. The groove feels heavier—as if the song found the gym.

And that’s what makes great covers interesting.

The best covers don’t imitate.

They transform.

They reveal something hidden inside the original song that nobody else noticed.

That’s exactly what Bloodywood did here.

They took a sleek pop track and exposed the raw rhythmic power buried underneath it.

Honestly, it’s kind of a perfect example of the mindset we need to have.

Take something soft. Forge it under pressure. Keep the core identity intact. But make it bigger. Stronger. More alive.

Not destruction. Evolution.

And somehow, against all odds, “Shape of You” became hardcore gym music. 🤣

The song used to be on Spotify, but now I can only find it on YouTube. Let’s petition to get it EVERYWHERE. 💪

For more metal-pop epic badassery, also check out:

• XO Tour Llif3 by Fame on Fire
• I Knew You Were Trouble by We Came as Romans
• Without Me by Wind Walkers
• Stay by Belmont
• Over My Head (Cable Car) by A Day to Remember
• Call Me Maybe by Upon This Dawning

If you had a walk in song (similar to a walk out song for a fighter) every time you entered a room…

What would it be?

Not your favorite song. Not the most meaningful song. Not the one with sentimental memories.

The one that says:

This is who I am when it’s go time.

A walk in song implies something most people never think about:

Presence.

You don’t shuffle into a room. You don’t apologize for being there. You don’t need to explain yourself.

You arrive.

And that song is the energy you carry with you.

This question cuts through all the noise.

No bios. No resumes. No humblebrags.

Just vibe.

Because nobody picks a walk in song that doesn’t feel like them.

The guy who picks classic rock? Steady. Grounded. Old-school. Hard to rattle.

The guy who picks metal or hardcore? Intensity. Edge. Controlled aggression. Ready.

The guy who picks rap? Swagger. Dominance. Rhythm. Confidence.

The guy who picks cinematic soundtrack music? Mission-driven. Main-character energy. Purpose. (Bonus points if it’s the Terminator 2: Judgment Day theme song.)

The guy who can’t pick?

Still figuring himself out.

Here’s the sneaky part.

The music you train to is usually your walk in music.

The music you play in the car when you’re feeling locked in?

Walk in.

The song that makes your posture change when it comes on?

That’s the one.

You don’t need to tell people who you are.

If they heard your walk in song…

They’d know.

Mine?

Sad But True — Metallica.

Slow. Heavy. Inevitable.

I don’t enter rooms quickly.

I enter them deliberately.

What’s yours?